“There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.” – Ashton Kutcher
For the Love of Texting:
To text or not to text? That is the question of 2017. We’re doing it everyday. You’ve probably done it in the last hour, and will be doing it again soon. I did it while writing this sentence.
Texting is our favourite way to communicate. In 2015, Canadians sent 195 billion text messages, and that doesn’t include messages on Facebook, Skype, Twitter, and other platforms. Whether it’s buying milk, complaining about our kids not sleeping, trading stocks, getting fired, making plans, or having sex, we’re texting about it.
But now that we’ve fundamentally changed the way we communicate, what’s that doing to our romantic relationships? Only 20 years ago, if we wanted to talk or flirt or ask someone out, we had to pick up a phone and have a conversation, or even, talk to them in person! Shocking, I know.
It’s not all bad news. There surely are some positive aspects too. Let’s take a balanced look at how texting is changing how we woo.
The Dangers of Relationship Texting:
Have you ever texted someone so near to you, or about something so important, that you get the feeling you should be talking face to face? At what point do you stop texting and call or talk in person instead? Have you thought about where that line is for you?
Loneliness: The devices meant to bring us together virtually are often teasing us for what we really crave: real human contact. We’re social animals, and we text alone. No matter how personalized to our preferences our phones are, they can’t quite give us the connection we’re hoping for as we type.
Social Skills: Navigating complex social situations, especially as a teenager, trains us for real life experiences like job interviews, meetings, sitting next to someone on the bus, and even, family dinners! Texting can allow us to duck out of some of this training by communicating from a physical and psychological distance.
Anxiety: Every time our phone rings, buzzes, or plays music, our body releases a small amount of Cortisol, the stress hormone. The worst thing, is if we hear our phone but we can’t check it! In a study on iPhone users, researchers found that if users heard their phone but couldn’t answer their device, their heart rate, blood pressure, and anxiety levels spiked! Does that sound healthy?!
Obligation: When you text your partner, how fast do you expect them to reply? How long before you suspect they’re screening, ignoring, or even cheating on you? We feel an obligation to reply in order to maintain the relationship, and that can distract us from whatever task we may be doing at the time.
Tone: The majority of communication is body language. Texting takes that out of the equation, and we’re forced to guess mood from words alone. If you’ve ever tried to inject sarcasm or even dry humour into a text messages, you know how quickly it can be misinterpreted without the benefit of tone or body language. (Thank goodness for emotiji )
But Wait, There’s Good News:
It’s not all bad. Sometimes we get so swept up in how technology is changing things that we don’t appreciate its advantages.
Choosing your Words: Texting is a blessing for the socially tongue-tied. It gives us the chance to take a breath and choose our words carefully. It can make you appear wittier and more nuanced in conversation than you are in real life (which can be another problem once you actually meet the person).
No Pressure: It’s a casual mode of communication, one that may allow you some get-to-know-you chit chat with the object of your affection without the terrifying person to person approach. It’s also a lower commitment way of getting to know someone rather than having all discussions in person.
Sharing Experiences: Texting can allow you to share spontaneous experiences that you may not have otherwise. In doing so, it can open up new lines of communication and mutual interest that you may not have found otherwise.
So, there are pros and cons with texting, as with most things. The moral of the story is to be on the same page (haha) with your texting-partner. If you both agree that there are certain limits on your texting, then you’re off to a healthy start.